Description: Table of Contents Title Page Copyright Page Dedication Acknowledgements Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 ABOUT THE AUTHOR Praise for DEAD TO ME "Simon Canderous is a reformed thief and a psychometrist. By turns despondent over his luck with the ladies (not always living) and his struggle with the hierarchy of his mysterious department (not always truthful), Simon''s life veers from crisis to crisis. Following Simon''s adventures is like being the pinball in an especially antic game, but it''s well worth the wear and tear." -- Charlaine Harris, New York Times bestselling author of From Dead to Worse "Part Ghostbusters , part Men in Black , Strout''s debut is both dark and funny, with quirky characters, an eminently likable protagonist, and the comfortable, familiar voice of a close friend. His mix of (mostly) secret bureaucratic bickering and offbeat action shows New York like we''ve never seen it before. Make room on the shelf, ''cause you''re going to want to keep this one!" -- Rachel Vincent, author of Stray and Rogue "Urban fantasy with a wink and a nod. Anton Strout has written a good-hearted send-up of the urban-fantasy genre. Dead to Me is a genuinely fun book with a fresh and firmly tongue-in-cheek take on the idea of paranormal police. The laughs are frequent, as are the wry smiles. I''m looking forward to seeing what he does next." -- Kelly McCullough, author of CodeSpell "Written with equal parts humor and horror. Strout creates an engaging character . . . clever, fast paced, and a refreshing change in the genre of urban fantasy." --SFRevu "In much the same vein as Mark Del Franco''s Unquiet Dreams or John Levitt''s Dog Days , Strout''s urban-fantasy debut features plenty of self-deprecating humor, problematic special powers, and a quick pace, with the added twist of overwhelming government bureaucracy. Strout''s inventive story line raises the genre''s bar with his collection of oddly mismatched, entertaining characters and not-so-secret organizations." --Monsters and Critics "Imagine if Harry Dresden or Angel had to work in a poorly run office dealing with office politics and red tape. It''s a great debut." --Cameron Hughes, CHUD.com "A wickedly weird debut from a writer who makes being dead sexier than it''s ever been before. And who doesn''t love a debonair divination-having, ghost-seducing, cultist-abusing detective in New York? Imagine Law & Order but with hot ghostly chicks, rampaging bookcases, and a laugh track." --Carolyn Turgeon, author of Rain Village "A strong debut . . . Seeing the world through Simon''s eyes is a funny, quirky, and occasionally scary experience. Strout''s world will be well worth revisiting." --Romantic Times Ace Books by Anton Strout DEAD TO ME deader still THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen''s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi--110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author''s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content. DEADER STILL An Ace Book / published by arrangement with the author printing HISTORY Ace mass-market edition / March 2009 Copyright © 2009 by Anton Strout. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author''s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. For information, address: The Berkley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. eISBN : 978-1-101-01450-9 ACE Ace Books are published by The Berkley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. ACE and the "A" design are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. For Donna Marie Strout, whose sense of humor lives on through me ACKNOWLEDGMENTS First and foremost, this book is to you, my readerly little friends. Perhaps you''ve just picked me up for the first time. Maybe you are part of the Undead Approved, who have already read Dead to Me . Whatever way you came to this book, thanks for being here. The adventures of Simon Canderous are nothing without you, and for that you have my sincere and deepest appreciation. Welcome aboard; thanks for joining us. Tell your friends. Say hi to your mother for me. As for the rest of my hive of scum and villainy? It''s time to thank them. Hold your applause to the end, please. My personal kudos are extended to: my wife, Orly, whose patience and love are infinite; my family--those by blood and those by association; Jessica Wade, the editor whose verbosity makes my inanity palatab superagent Kristine Dahl and Laura Neely at ICM, who put up with my authorly neuroses; copy editor Jessica McDonnell; Annette Fiore DeFex, Judith Murello, and Don Sipley, for another amazing cover; Michelle Kasper; the Dorks of the Round Table--authors Jeanine Cummins and Carolyn Turgeon--for taking time to bruise their eyes on the first draft of this book (support their books, too!); beta reader and cheer-leader Missy Sawmiller; beta reader and glamazon Lisa Trevethan; Patrick Rothfuss, my arch nemesis and author of The Name of the Wind , who graciously took the time to read a wee baby draft of the manuscript; and the fans, whose snowball effect keeps people coming to the series. And finally, a special shout-out to all of the various departments at Penguin Group (USA) Inc. that make this book look as pretty as it does, especially my friends and colleagues in the paperback sales department who keep me humble and--more importantly--on bookshelves everywhere. Your names are legion, for you are many. Revenge is a dish best served . . . erk! --Anonymous quote found in the Gauntlet archives attributed to a long-deceased member of the Fraternal Order of Goodness 1 "Watch out for the elves, Simon," Connor Christos said, tugging at my arm. And since I had come to trust my partner in Other Division, I didn''t resist. He pulled me to my left, allowing me to narrowly avoid two "elves." One wore glasses with black Buddy Holly frames, and the other couldn''t have been more than five feet tall. "Lothlorien sure ain''t making ''em like they used to," I said. "Welcome to New York Comic Con, kid." "Nerdtacular," I said. All walks of life crowded the hangarlike convention hall. The giant glass structure of the Javits Center on Manhattan''s west side looked like it had been conjured straight out of a futuristic fantasy world. "Would you rather be back at our desks at the Department of Extraordinary Affairs?" Connor asked. "Lower your voice," I said, looking around. "Relax," Connor said. "We''re the most normal-looking guys in here." Connor looked like the older and stranger of the two of us, with a white stripe running through his messy mop of sandy brown hair. His Bogart-style trench coat hid his rugged frame, but even that had been no match for the ghost who had streaked his hair. Comparatively, I was the picture of youth, with my own hair black, through and through, still untouched by ghostly harm. Even my knee-le

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