Description: [[6/28/2011 -- NEW EXCERPT FOR SPANDO NOT PRINT THESE BRACKETED INSTRUCTIONS -- SMcG]]"Did you hear what she said? Did you hear, Sarah?" Mia did it again, "Dada," and reached her arms up toward him. He scooped her up and danced around with her, and it was like he'd forgotten everything else, just for a minute. It reminded me why I loved him. Love him, I remind myself now. Love, not loved. I love Adam Dawson. If I say it often enough, think it often enough, perhaps I'll still believe it. But it's difficult if you know that when he looks in your eyes he can see you dying. I close my eyes and try to empty my head of it all, to let sleep wash over me and blank me out, but everything's all mixed up: people, places, words, and numbers. Always numbers.******************************************************************There's something about the way she says it, an edge. Like she's mocking me. I can't stand it."I didn't ask for this, Sarah! I didn't ask for none of this. I never wanted to see numbers! I never wanted all this death in my head, all this pain."Mia's eyes are filling with tears, and Sarah's not looking at me. I know I'm ranting, but I can't stop. "I'm eighteen, with a girlfriend and three children to look after, a baby on the way, and no home and no food, and it's never gonna get better. All I know is it's gonna end one day because I see the end everywhere, in everyone, and I wish I didn't. It could all be over tomorrow or the next day, or the next. Do you think I want this?""Do you think any of us want this?" she says.And now my stomach's churning. If she's not on my side no more, then I got nothing. But we have to go. It's not safe here.

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