Description: 1 fire Through the long, lonely years of my childhood, when my father''s palace seemed to tighten its grip around me until I couldn''t breathe, I would go to my nurse and ask for a story. And though she knew many wondrous and edifying tales, the one I made her tell me over and over was the story of my birth. I think I liked it so much because it made me feel special, and in those days there was little else in my life that did. Perhaps Dhai Ma realized this. Perhaps that was why she agreed to my demands even though we both knew I should be using my time more gainfully, in ways more befitting the daughter of King Drupad, ruler of Panchaal, one of the richest kingdoms in the continent of Bharat. The story inspired me to make up fancy names for myself: Offspring of Vengeance, or the Unexpected One. But Dhai Ma puffed out her cheeks at my tendency to drama, calling me the Girl Who Wasn''t Invited. Who knows, perhaps she was more accurate than I. This winter afternoon, sitting cross-legged in the meager sunlight that managed to find its way through my slit of a window, she said, "When your brother stepped out of the sacrificial fire onto the cold stone slabs of the palace hall, all the assembly cried out in amazement." She was shelling peas. I watched her flashing fingers with envy, wishing she would let me help. But Dhai Ma had very specific ideas about activities that were appropriate for princesses. "An eyeblink later," she continued, "when you emerged from the fire, our jaws dropped. It was so quiet, you could have heard a housefly fart." I reminded her that flies do not perform that particular bodily function. She smiled her squint-eyed, cunning smile. "Child, the things you don''t know would fill the milky ocean where Lord Vishnu sleeps--and spill over its edges." I considered being offended, but I wanted to hear the story. So I held my tongue, and after a moment she picked up the tale again. "We''d been praying for thirty days, from sun-up to sundown. All of us: your father, the hundred priests he''d invited to Kampilya to perform the fire ceremony, headed by that shifty-eyed pair, Yaja and Upayaja, the queens, the ministers, and of course the servants. We''d been fasting, too--not that we were given a choice--just one meal, each evening, of flattened rice soaked in milk. King Drupad wouldn''t eat even that. He only drank water carried up from the holy Ganga, so that the gods would feel obligated to answer his prayers." "What did he look like?" "He was thin as the point of a sword, and hard like it, too. You could count every bone on him. His eyes, sunk deep into their sockets, glittered like black pearls. He could barely hold up his head, but of course he wouldn''t remove that monstrosity of a crown that no one has ever seen him without--not even his wives, I''ve heard, not even in bed." Dhai Ma had a good eye for detail. Father was, even now, much the same, though age--and the belief that he was finally close to getting what he''d wanted for so long--had softened his impatience. "Some people," she continued, "thought he was going to die, but I had no such fears. Anyone who wanted revenge as badly as your royal father did wouldn''t let go of body and breath so easily." She chewed ruminatively on a handful of peas. "Finally," I prompted her, "it was the thirtieth day." "And I for one was heartily thankful. Milk and rice husk is all very well for priests and widows, but give me fish curry with green chilies and tamarind pickle any day! Besides, my throat was scraped raw from gabbling all those unpronounceable Sanskrit words. And my buttocks, I swear, they were flat as chapatis from sitting on that freezing stone floor. "But I was scared, too, and stealing a glance here and there, I saw I wasn''t the only one. What if the fire ceremony didn''t work the way the scriptures had claimed it would? Would King Drupad put us all to death, claiming we hadn''t prayed hard enough? Once I''d have laughed if someone had suggested our king might do that. But things had changed since the day when Drona appeared at court." I wanted to ask about Drona, but I knew what she''d say. Impatient as mustard seeds sputtering in oil, that''s what you are, even though you''re old enough to be married off any day now! Each story will come in its time. "So when your royal father stood up and poured that last pot of ghee into the flames, we all held our breath. I prayed harder than I''d ever done in my life--though it wasn''t for your brother I was praying, not exactly. Kallu, who was cook''s apprentice then, had been courting me, and I didn''t want to die before I''d experienced the joys of having a man in my bed. But now that we''ve been married for seven years--" Here Dhai Ma paused to snort at the folly of her younger self. If she got onto the subject of Kallu, I wouldn''t hear the rest of the story today. "Then the smoke rose," I interjected, with experienced dexterity. She allowed herself to be pulled back into the tale. "Yes, and a spiraling, nasty-smelling black smoke it was, with voices in it. The voices said, Here is the son you asked for. He''ll bring you the vengeance you desire, but it''ll break your life in two. " I don''t care about that , your father said. Give him to me . "And then your brother stepped from the fire." I sat up straight to listen better. I loved this part of the story. "What did he look like?" "He was a true prince, that one! His brow was noble. His face shone like gold. Even his clothes were golden. He stood tall and unafraid, though he couldn''t have been more than five years old. But his eyes troubled me. They were too soft. I said to myself, How can this boy avenge King Drupad? How can he kill a fearsome warrior like Drona? " I worried about my brother, too, though in a different way. He would succeed in completing the task he was born for, I had no doubt of that. He did everything with such meticulous care. But what would it do to him? I didn''t want to think of it. I said, "And then?" Dhai Ma made a face. "Can''t wait till you appear, eh, Madam Full of Yourself?" Then she relented. "Even before we''d finished cheering and clapping, even before your father had a chance to greet your brother, you appeared. You were as dark as he was fair, as hasty as he was calm. Coughing from the smoke, tripping over the hem of your sari, grabbing for his hand and almost sending him tumbling, too--" "But we didn''t fall!" "No. Somehow you managed to hold each other up. And then the voices came again. They said, Behold, we give you this girl, a gift beyond what you asked for. Take good care of her, for she will change the course of history ." " '' Change the course of history ''! Did they really say that?" Dhai Ma shrugged. "That''s what the priests claimed. Who can tell for sure? You know how sounds boom and echo in that hall. The king looked startled, but then he picked the two of you up, holding you close to his chest. For the first time in years, I saw him smile. He said to your brother, I name you Dhristadyumna . He said to you, I name you Draupadi . And then we had the best feast this kingdom has ever seen." As Dhai Ma counted out the feast foods on her fingers, smacking her lips in happy remembrance, my attention veered to the meaning of the names our father chose. Dhristadyumna, Destroyer of Enemies. Draupadi, Daughter of Drupad. Dhri''s name fell within the bounds of acceptability--though if I were his parent I might have picked a more cheerful appellation, like Celestial Victor, or Light of the Universe. But Daughter of Drupad? Granted, he hadn''t been expecting me, but couldn''t my father have come up with something a little less egoistic? Something more suited to a girl who was supposed to change history? I answered to Draupadi for the moment because I had no choice. But in the long run, it would not do. I needed a more heroic name. Nights, after Dhai Ma had retired to her quarters, I lay on my high, hard bed with its massive posts and watched the oil lamp fling flickery shadows against the pocked stone of the walls. I thought of the prophecy then, with yearning and fear. I wanted it to be true. But did I have the makings of a heroine--courage, perseverance, an unbending will? And shut up as I was inside this mausoleum of a palace, how would history even find me? But most of all I thought of something that Dhai Ma didn''t know, something that ate at me like the rust corroding the bars on my window: what really happened when I stepped from the fire. If there were voices, as Dhai Ma claimed, prophesying my life in a garbled roar, they hadn''t come yet. The orange lick of flames fell away; the air was suddenly cold. The ancient hall smelled of incense, and under it, an older smell: war-sweat and hatred. A gaunt, glittering man walked toward my brother and me as we stood hand in hand. He held out his arms--but for my brother alone. It was only my brother he meant to raise up to show to his people. Only my brother that he wanted. Dhri wouldn''t let go of me, however, nor I of him. We clung together so stubbornly that my father was forced to pick us both up together. I didn''t forget that hesitation, even though in the years that followed King Drupad was careful to fulfill his fatherly duty and provide me with everything he believed a princess should have. Sometimes, when I pressed him, he even allowed m

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