Description: 9781101965290 excerpt McDermott / THE REVELATION CODE 1 New York City Twelve Years Later "Has everything I''ve done in my life been worth it?" Nina Wilde sat facing Dr. Elaine Senzer, but her eyes were lowered, avoiding the psychotherapist''s gaze. Instead she fixated on small, irrelevant details--a scuff on the other woman''s shoe, indentations on the carpet where her chair had been moved--as she tried to put her fears into words. "That''s the question I''ve been asking myself recently," she went on. "And the thing that''s worrying me is ... is that I''m not sure it has." Elaine leaned forward, adjusting her glasses. "I''m curious why you''d say that. You''ve already achieved more in your life than most people--I mean, it''s fair to say that you''re the most famous archaeologist in the world. You found Atlantis, you discovered the lost city of El Dorado, a hidden Egyptian pyramid, and all those other amazing things. That''s something to be proud of, surely?" "Is it?" Nina caught herself leaning back in her seat, as if subconsciously trying to maintain the distance between them. "Yeah, I found all those things--and I got a lot of people killed in the process. Too many people." "You didn''t kill them personally." "Some of them I did." Even without looking directly at Elaine, she could sense the psychotherapist''s shock at the revelation. "They were trying to kill me, it was always in self-defense ... but yeah, I''ve killed people. And you know what''s really scary? I''ve lost count of how many." Elaine hurriedly scribbled a note. "I see." Nina gave her a grim smile. "You''re not going to have me committed to Bellevue, are you?" "No, no," the dark-haired woman hastily assured her. "I actually think it''s good that you feel able to tell me about it at this relatively early stage. If you remember, when we started these sessions last month, it was quite a challenge for you to open up about anything at all. The very nature of post-traumatic stress causes sufferers to try to internalize it--there''s a great deal of anger, guilt--" "Tell me about it," Nina muttered. "I''m afraid it doesn''t work that way," said Elaine, with sympathy. "You have to tell me." "You want me to tell you about my guilt?" Nina snapped. "Okay--about four months ago, one of my friends was murdered right in front of me. And it was all my fault! Macy wouldn''t have been there if not for me .. ." Her voice faded to inaudibility. A long silence was eventually broken by the psychotherapist. "Nina ... are you okay?" "If I was okay, I wouldn''t be seeing a shrink, would I?" the redhead replied, wiping her eyes. "What kind of a stupid question is that?" Elaine shrugged off the insult with professional calm. "Tell me about Macy. I know you''re reluctant, but I really think it would help. Please," she added, seeing her patient clench her fists. "In your own time; you don''t have to say anything if you don''t want to." "For a hundred and fifty bucks an hour, I''m not going to sit here in silence. I could do that for free at Starbucks, and the coffee would be better." Nina took a deep breath, then a second, before continuing. "Macy ... she was an archaeology student when I first met her. She had a case of"--a brief smile at the memory--"hero worship." Her expression darkened once more. "Spending time with me soon cured her of that." "But she was your friend," Elaine said. "Yes. She could be annoying--God, she could be annoying!--but yeah, she was. She was young, that was all. And she thought life was there to be enjoyed, so she went all out to enjoy it." "Whereas you ...?" A wry shake of the head, her shoulder-length hair swinging. "I''m not exactly a party animal. Never have been. But Macy threw herself headfirst into everything. And that ..." Her voice broke. "That got her killed." "How so?" "She invited herself along on my last job for the International Heritage Agency. I could have said no, sent her home. But I didn''t. I don''t know why, maybe because ... maybe because I was afraid it might be the last chance I had to spend time with her." Elaine flicked back through her notebook. "Your illness--you thought it was terminal at that point?" Nina nodded. She had been under a slow death sentence, poisoned by a toxin from deep within the earth. "Yeah. There was a treatment, but I didn''t know about it then." She kept the full truth to herself: that the "treatment" was nothing less than the legendary fountain of immortality sought by Alexander the Great. After the horrors she had been through to find it, she''d vowed to keep its location a secret, to prevent the inevitable further bloodshed if others fought to control it. "So I let Macy come with us, and ..." She choked up. "Are you all right?" Elaine asked. "Do you need a Kleenex or something?" Nina rubbed away a tear. "No, no. I''m okay. It''s just, talking about it ..." "I understand." "It''s ..." Nina sat sharply upright, looking Elaine straight in the eye for the first time. "It''s not fair! She was so young, she was practically still a kid! And this man, this bastard, killed her like she was nothing--just to get to me. If I hadn''t gotten involved, or if I''d done what I should have done and told Macy to go home, she''d still be alive! I got her killed!" She slumped forward, head in her hands, trying to hold in her sobs. Elaine looked on with concern. "Nina, I''m so, so sorry. But you must know deep down that''s not true. You didn''t kill your friend. Someone else did." Nina forced out a reply. "If it weren''t for me, she''d still be alive. The same goes for Rowan Sharpe, and Jim McCrimmon, and Ismail Assad and Hector Amoros and Chloe Lamb and--and so many others I can''t even remember all their names!" She looked up in despair. "This is what I mean, Elaine. Yes, I made all those discoveries--but this was the cost. Hundreds of people have died because of me." "It can''t be that many," Elaine said, though with uncertainty. "Trust me, I was there. My whole career, everything I''ve accomplished, has been surrounded by death and destruction. Even when I was still a kid, my parents died--were murdered--while they were hunting for Atlantis. Which is why I''ve been asking: Was it all worth it?" She looked down at her abdomen, where a small but distinct swelling revealed the presence of her unborn child. "Do I want to bring a kid into my world? What right have I got to put a baby at that kind of risk?" "But you''re not working for the IHA anymore," Elaine pointed out. "Maybe, but you know what?" Nina said with another flare of anger. "Last month, a Nazi tried to kill me, right here in New York!" The therapist''s eyes widened. "A ... Nazi?" "Yeah, an actual goddamn Nazi. You see? I can''t get away from this shit! I tried to, I just wanted to stay out of trouble and write my book, but it keeps finding me!" "Your book," said Elaine, relieved at a chance to change the subject. "How''s that going? You told me last time that you''d been having difficulty maintaining focus ..." Nina huffed sarcastically. "Oh, it''s going super fine, better than ever. No, I''m now almost completely blocked. My publishers are gonna be thrilled that they''ve paid over half a million dollars for three and a quarter chapters. Some people I know in Hollywood want to buy the screen rights." Macy''s boyfriend, the film star Grant Thorn, had unsurprisingly withdrawn from the idea after the young woman''s funeral, but his business partner had since made tentative inquiries about reopening negotiations. "Right now, though, it''d make a really short movie." "Why are you blocked?" "Why? Because every time I start trying to write about what I''ve discovered, it makes me think of the people who died in the process. It''s ..." She sagged, feeling emotionally drained. "I can''t move forward." "In what way?" "In every way. With my life. All I keep thinking about is whether it''s all been worth it, and I don''t know the answer, and ... and I''m stuck. Going nowhere." "But you are going somewhere," said Elaine. "You''ve made progress over just the last month--you realized you were in denial over Macy''s death, and the fact that you sought help from a therapist shows that you''re able to start moving on." "I might be able to start, but that doesn''t mean I have started. On that, or anything else. The book''s stalled, I can''t even do something as simple as come up with baby names ..." "Do you know the sex?" "Yeah. I had an ultrasound last week, and they could tell what it was. My husband, Eddie, told them not to say anything--he wants it to be a surprise--but I sneaked back in and asked. It''s a--" Elaine held up her hands. "No, no. I''m like your husband, I like surprises too. I didn''t know what either of my kids was going to be until they were born." "I guess I prefer to plan everything in advance. He''s more the make-it-up-as-you-go type." "So how have things been between you since you learned you were pregnant? Has he been showing any tension, or ..." "No, no." Nina shook her head. "He''s

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